November 17, 2002 - September 17, 2016 3am


     Baby, Wookie and many other names were awarded to my baby, but none of them would ever explain how much she meant to me. She came to me as a tiny little puppy that could not feed herself, dragging her legs behind her. Mum chose her because she seemed perfect for me, someone with so much love to give and vibrant in my early 20s. From day one, it was hope and hard work that kept her with me. She was almost like a baby of my own, looking up at me with great love and trust in everything I did.

     As she grew older, she became more independent, but never strayed from our bond. She always had to be touching my leg or arm when she rested by my side, or tucked up in my lap as I read, studied or watched TV. She longed to spend every moment with me. Even in my sleep she was always right there, spooning with me. 

     Baby was a lover to all. She welcomed people into our home, barked excitedly when Mum visited, and was already ready to adopt whatever animal came our way. When Mum's dog visited, she was enthusiastic to make friends and share her games. 

     Baby gave me almost 15 wonderful years of love, and I hope wherever she is, she is happy we were put together. I miss having to tend to her meals in the morning, and comfort her after her seizures. It was the last 6 months of her life that she had begun to have seizures, which inevitably became too much for her body to handle. She fought as long as she could, but soon her body was spent. 

     At first it seemed quite manageable, vets ruling out any illness that would have been actionable. They concluded it was a legion or bleed in the brain which would be inoperable and to enjoy the time left with her. We did try alternative medicines including eating plans and massage sessions twice daily, only the measures weren't enough. After seven weeks of no seizures, she went into a bout of Static Epilepticus, where the brain cycles through numerous seizures which cannot be halted without vet intervention. She had 10 at home, while I rushed about getting emergency travel and care organised, it being a Friday night and all local vets closed. She had another 20 while being taken to the emergency facility, which is unfortunately over an hour away. Had I known how far it was, I could have prepared better, only when these extremes happen but several times over our long lives, you aren't able to.

     Baby was put to rest after the vets made me aware that she was audibly suffering even on IV Valium. It would be unfair to keep her. After one seizure she would be stumbling for up to 24 hours, and it would be much worse after over 30 seizures in a row. The decision broke my heart, but it had to be made. Dog specialists had told me that the day would come and that I would have to be strong for her. Dogs can't tell us what they want us to do, but looking deep into her eyes as she had those first 10, I knew how trapped she felt, unable to control what her body was doing. It wasn't fair to leave her stuck between worlds.I hope she understands the choices I made for her.

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